On my way to Hay- spilt water on lap on train to St Pancras (not a good look). Desperate for wee at St Pancras, toilet queue was huge, normally when this happens I push to the front and try every toilet door because invariably silly phone zombie pee-ers stand outside empty cubicles trusting the little engaged signs on the toilet door locks, note to all St Pancras station toilet users… The engaged signs on the toilet locks lie!!! They have a problem…they are chronic liars, however this time, the fibbing toilets were telling the truth! Tried toilet in Kings Cross, 30p per pee and no change! Went back to St Pancras, toilets were empty… Like ghostly empty!!! Like tumbleweed empty!!!

Rushed to underground past a porridge of dawderlers dawdling, got to Paddington just in time to buy essential train chocolate but not my equally essential train coffee- find seat, remove jacket- find 30p in jacket pocket! Gaaaahhhhh! Now must stagger to back of train for disgusting on-board coffee so that I can relax and appreciate my first visit to The Hay Festival.

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